The News

I was discussing the effects of watching the news recently with a group of close friends. My argument was that the news is an unfair representation of what is actually happening in the world. I’m not saying that it’s not the truth but the negative stories are disproportionate to all the good that is happening but is less desirable for the media to report. I was explaining that I don’t think it is healthy for your holistic well-being or of any benefit at all watching it.

Even if I’m wrong and there is more harm than good happening in the world, why do certain stories get covered constantly yet other equally horrific stories get completely ignored? Could it be possible that it serves some purpose for the media to decide what they focus our fears on?

I was quite surprised that my girlfriends didn’t agree with me at all. They thought it was extremely important to hear what the latest news report was at least once a day. They thought it ignorant to be uninformed of international and domestic affairs. I’m still not sure what their argument was regarding what purpose it served other than being informed but I think it might make them feel smarter. I know I used to feel like that. However now I see it as a stupid practice.

I don’t want to be fed information by an unreliable and mostly biased source, sensationalizing these topics. Just listen to the soundtrack of the 10 o’clock news – it’s very ominous and scary. It sounds like the soundtrack to an epic movie. Why does news have to make us scared? Why does it have to be negative? Do you know the power you hand over when you are kept in such a negative mind frame? It stops you from taking chances, living your life to the fullest and generally giving more of yourself to the world. You won’t even be aware of the effect it’s having until you stop watching it. It’s a form of addiction, perpetuating the fear that the media is breeding into us and we’re willingly accepting it.

Well I have stopped. I stopped about 6 months ago and I can’t tell you how much better I feel. I know that certain places have recently been blown up or there’s been a fire here or there, I still talk to people and I see the cover of newspapers but I don’t soak it up. I don’t lean into it. My focus is on the positivity in the world and the good I can give of myself. How I can best be of service.

Instead of focusing time on all these atrocities why not focus on how we can become better humans and serve the universe as best we can. I imagine that if this were to happen then there would be less bad shit to report.

Teenage Whore

This lady is a powerful writer and I can relate to the raw feelings she expresses in this piece. It’s beautiful and uncomfortable to read at the time time. What great writing is all about.

Coke Whore Hippie

Teenage whore is skipping class; hiked up skirt, smoking grass. She did what it took to get through the day, her lip gloss smile portrayed she’s okay. Innocent whore was stealing money to runaway from it all. Bambi eyes, flavored like honey, virgin skin, the girl next door. Tangled up hair with a blood thirsty heart; trusting everything that she touched. Naive little whore, all she wanted was more; her heart breaking stare was lethal but pure. Selling stolen pills just for the rush; teasing greedy boys just for the touch. She believed in all of their lecherous lies that they told right into her babydoll eyes. Poor teenage whore was shattered like glass, poor teenage whore was used up and trashed. Lips drowned in liquor before starting school, dirty hands on her thighs, raped from her youth. Puking up lunch, she was never enough.Razor-blade cuts turned to razor-blades drugs. Snorting white lines by the age of sixteen, addicted to the pathetic thrills that…

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garden

Weeding out the Mind

“A man’s mind may be likened to a garden, which may be intelligently cultivated or allowed to run wild but either cultivated or neglected, it must and will bring forth. If no useful seeds are put into it, then an abundance of useless weed seeds will fall therein, and will continue to produce their kind.” *

I have been trying to work on changing my paradigms. You know those subconscious thoughts that stop you from getting what you want? You want to loose weight, so why doesn’t it happen? It’s not hard to figure out that you consume less calories than you burn and hey presto, you start losing weight. But you can’t seem to stop breaking down and stuffing your face with pie. You want to learn a new language maybe? You might even get as far as a few lessons and then you stop? Why? You want these things but it seems you’re not willing to suffer the discomfort in order to achieve them? Yes I suppose that’s partly true however there is most probably a deep-rooted reason why the discomfort seems to be so unbearable; otherwise you’d just plough through. It’s to do with your core beliefs, the silent storybook that is etched into the deep recesses of your mind. In order to really change we need to deal with these beliefs, bring them into our conscious thought and change them by repeating and believing new healthier thoughts about ourselves.

If I don’t change the way I think I will just end up with more of what I already have. That’s the same thinking that got me here in the first place.

“In the light of this truth, what then, is the meaning of ‘fighting against circumstances?’ It means that a man is continually revolting against an effect without, while all the time he is nourishing and preserving it’s cause in his heart.” *

*(As a Man Thinketh by James Allen)

Numbing the hurt–A hug from the inside

As mentioned before, now I’ve taken the drugs out of my life what else is there to numb my feelings? Food of course! The most common feeling suppressant know to mankind. Don’t believe me? Look around you at all the over weight people you can see and don’t tell me they all have a thyroid problem.

Now my life is finally moving forward and my mind is clear and dare I say mostly happy, there is still a block holding me back from what it is I want for myself. I want self-acceptance, self love and self care. I gave up cigarettes about 5 months ago, the last of the toxin group that I was hanging on to as I realised someone who truly loves and cares for themselves wouldn’t smoke. It didn’t even seem much effort once I changed my perspective on it. But now I want to be fit and healthy. I really want to loose this small padding of excess weight I’ve been wearing as a type of safety blanket but I keep sabotaging myself.

My self-awareness is growing daily through therapy, meditation practice and constant youtube video’s on the subject and I realise that I am scared of becoming the best version of me on a physical level. I would be slim to most people so the amount of weight I’d like to loose is small but I make sure I stay just outside of my target weight so as not to be seen. Being seen means being taken advantage of. Being used for what I look like. Being visualised as a sexual object. It has always been on a subconscious level until now. Now I am aware of it, I can bring it into reality and take the power out of it. Bring this fear into the light and realise that it’s not the truth. Sure I might get more attention, I may even get people thinking of me in a sexual way but I need to remind myself that I am big enough and strong enough to look after myself now. I may even allow myself to enjoy being sexy, (imagine that). I’m not the little girl that everyone was able to take advantage of. I don’t need food to comfort me and give me a hug from the inside, I can do that now. I am deserving of love and respect both inside and out and it starts by the way I treat myself.

Higher Conciousness

Change…

I’m trying to change. I’m not sure whether changing my old habits is enough. I’ve changed most of them, well the most detrimental one’s at least (drinking, using drugs) but those habits are just symptoms of a behavior rooted deep inside me. I know this because once I stopped those habits the behavior just manifested itself in another way, for example over eating, over working, over thinking. I used to think that I could get addicted to anything but now I realize……. writing this right now I have just realized, it’s just over use. Over using something, ANY thing as a distraction to avoid feeling the discomfort around a certain situation or even just a thought I’d rather not have.

So I suppose what I’m trying to say is that I need to change the me within. Not my soul I don’t think because (and I’m not 100% on this) but I believe our souls are perfect and complete as they are. However I think that the thinking part of me, my mind is who or what needs changing. Unfortunately it’s the subconscious part and I can’t quite seem to get to it. I am trying though, I’m trying meditation, I’m trying prayer, I’m trying writing, The Sedona Method. I have no idea if any of it is working yet but I thought I’d start this blog because not only is it the best way of tracking my progress but I’d also like to communicate with other people who might be on a similar journey. I also want validation that I’m not nuts but that would be feeding the innate problem I have of lacking in self belief blah blah so let’s not worry too much about that.

How do you talk to your subconscious mind and more importantly how do you know if it’s working?!? Watch this space I guess. Enlightenment is to follow……I hope.